Facing Rejection

Feb 3

Today’s focus: Rejection

I typically wake up at 5am. I love the morning, that peaceful slice of life that belongs to only me, when everyone else is sleeping and I feel like I’m stealing a treasure no one knows about.

A couple weeks ago, just after that glorious 5am, I was slapped with a rejection letter from an agent, an agent I had been really excited about.

Here’s the email I got from her (verbatim minus the names):

Thank you so much for giving me the chance to read THE FALSE FLAT and for your patience in waiting for my response. My apologies for taking so long.

While I was intrigued by your query, with a very full list I've also become particular about what I’m taking on. Ultimately, I just don't feel this is right for my list at this time.

I'm sorry I don't have better news. Publishing is a subjective business and it's very possible you'll find someone else who feels differently. Maybe even here at this agency. Please feel free to review our submissions page and query another agent here. It's very possible someone else might feel differently. If not, I ask you to keep me in mind for future projects.

I wish you all the best with your publishing endeavors and want to thank you again for considering me in your agent search.

Sincerely,

The Agent Crushing All Your Hopes and Dreams.

Okay, she signed the email with her actual name, but since I didn’t ask her if I could spread her rejection letter around, I thought I should let her remain anonymous, and that’s how I felt after reading the email.

Getting a book published (traditionally):

If you don’t know how to get a book traditionally published, I’ll give you a very quick, very skeletal run down:

1. Write a book.

2. Have people read the book (beta readers).

3. Incorporate feedback, revise, and edit your book.

4. Repeat number 3 until the manuscript is as polished and as flawless as you can make it.

5. Optional step: hire an editor who knows the industry and your genre to edit your book some more.

6. Search for an agent, a liaison between you and the publisher. An agent only gets paid if your book sells to a publisher. They take a percentage of your sales. Most traditional publishers won’t look at your book unless you have an agent.

7. Make a list of agents that are accepting books like yours

8. “Query” the agents on your list. This means summarizing/pitching your book (the back cover description on books). Some agents ask you to send some of your work too, anywhere from 5-50 pages, a sample of your writing to see if they’d like to see more.

9. Wait.

Once an agent has your description and potentially the first pages of your work, they decide whether they like what they’ve read enough to ask for more. It’s a big deal for an agent to request your work, but there’s still a long way to go.

The Dream Crusher

I queried this particular agent (let’s call her ‘The Crusher’ from here on out) over 3 months ago, which means I sent her what she asked for on her website (submission criteria). She wanted a query letter (summary) and the first five pages of the novel. I sent those to her and within 1 hour, she had requested to read my whole novel. I was, of course, ecstatic! I danced around my house with joy, then sent her my finished book! Over the three months of waiting to hear back from her, I significantly revised my manuscript and sent her the revised copy.

Also during this 3 months of waiting, I pictured her calling me and telling me she wanted to represent me and my book. I pictured myself screaming and jumping up and down and telling my family to be quiet because I was on the phone with this agent. I saw it all. And that morning, the first thing I saw in my inbox was the exact opposite of all my grand imaginings. It all came crashing down.

How did I feel? Well, I felt fiercely disappointed. I briefly thought about the website I was designing, an author website. The one that’s now live. (You can visit it here) Was I going to need an author website for my book(s) that may or may not be published? Would I ever have a career as a published author? Was I dreaming about a reality I would never be a part of?

My second reaction, which came right on the heels of the first (because ain’t nobody gonna tell me no to my dreams), was…I need to send out more queries. I need to look for more agents to send my work to because like The Crusher said in her rejection letter, hers is just one opinion and someone else might feel different. And the key word here is might. There might be someone else out there who loves my book enough to want to add it to their list, who believes in it enough to take a chance. I just have to put in the work to find that person. I have to exhaust my efforts. Because I. Want. This. And it’s worth giving it my all. I won’t let one rejection stand in my way (I’ve had a lot more than one rejection), but the successful people out there are the ones who, after getting rejected, wallow and cry for a while, but then get back up again and try even harder.

The Quote

A rejection is nothing more than a necessary step in the pursuit of success. - Bo Bennett

You must do the things you think you cannot do. -Eleanor Roosevelt

Failure is scary.

We tell ourselves that; society tells us that. And I think a lot of people aren’t as successful as they could be or as they want to be because they’re afraid of failure and rejection. It’s a gut punch to walk out on a limb, try your best, and then be told you’re not good enough. I think there’s a tendency for most of us to shrink back into our shells and give up on ideas or dreams because that feeling is absolutely horrible.

But there’s a lot to learn from failure. I’ve challenged myself to look at rejection and failure differently. Instead of avoiding it, I face it head on. What can I learn from the rejection/failure? How can I use it to get better? Failure is information. Failure is knowledge. Failure is a step in the process. You have to embrace failure/rejection before you can put it behind you.

Research shows that people with grit and determination can meet and exceed the abilities of those with “natural talent”. You might think you’re not built for a job, a task, an adventure, a diet. Maybe you think someone else is better suited to the job. But if you want the thing you’re after, then take your failure, use it, re-frame it, and go get what you want. Trying might not be good enough. You might have to keep trying.

I had to evaluate The Crusher’s rejection letter and make some decisions.

So I asked myself:

o Is my writing good enough?

o Do I have what it takes?

o Do I want this enough to keep working at it? (How much does this mean to me?)

o Why did The Crusher Reject me?

o What do I need to change to get a more favorable outcome? Is it me, my book, or the agent?

And here’s how I answered myself:

o Good enough? → I’ve had enough positive feedback to feel like I have a shot at this.

o Have what it takes? → I think I have what it takes (time will tell because there comes a point where I might decide that the effort outweighs the benefit and I need to redirect my time expenditure.) For now, I’m all in.

o Why rejected? → I can only go by what she told me. She’s picky, and she didn’t fall in love with my work. Is there something wrong with my novel? Maybe. Is there something wrong with the agent? Perhaps, but unlikely. She’s seems like an awesome agent, and I wish she’d loved my stuff, but it’s her opinion/preference. Which doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with my work.

o What should I change, if anything? → I really didn’t get enough information from her to be able to change. So, I’ll keep pushing what I’ve got…for now.

Conclusion: I was rejected. It was ONE person’s opinion. Yes, she’s an authority, so her “opinion” holds a bit of weight. But everything was subjective in her email, and she gave me no indication that I should stop pursuing my dream. It was also a good sign that she 1. told me to consider other agents in her agency and 2. told me to consider her for other novels I might write.

Rejection? Yes. Will I stop writing because of it? No. Maybe I should, but there’s definitely not enough information here to justify it now. Therefore, I will keep trying to get published, and I’ll keep trying with this particular book.

It’s important that we all evaluate our “failures” and/or rejections, use them to gain information, and then apply that information to keep progressing toward our goal, which might mean creating a new plan, writing a new book, or simply trying again. This can be applied with diet, exercise, skills at work, even relationships to some degree! The list goes on.

Have you heard of WD-40? The wonder substance that lubricates and fixes metallic squeaks and does likely all kinds of other things I haven’t yet realized. It’s called WD-40 because it took the creators 40 tries to get it right.

Other real, human examples that should tell you and me not to be afraid of failure:

· Elvis failed music classes and was apparently a social misfit.

· Michael Jordan wasn’t “good enough” to be on the varsity basketball team when he tried out. But now, well, you know. “I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”

· Walt Disney faced failure, rejection, declared bankruptcy, and look at his legacy today. “All the adversity I've had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles, have strengthened me... You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.”

· After Dr. Seuss’ first book was rejected by publishers 27 times, he was heading home to give up and burn it. But he ran into a friend who had just become an editor at a publishing house, which gave Theodor Geisel (Dr. Seuss) the break he needed. And I don’t have to tell you about his success after that.

There are so many other stories. So how are these successful people doing it? They must have something we don’t, right?

I’ve found nearly all successful people to have two things in common:

1. They all fail, and usually disastrously.

2. They all get back up again and keep trying.

Medical Moment:

Have you heard of the EWG?

Roughly a year ago, when I started researching what it actually means to be healthy, I discovered the EWG, Environmental Working Group.

This is the mission statement from their website: Our mission is simple: To empower you with breakthrough research to make informed choices and live a healthy life in a healthy environment.

Basically, it’s a group of scientists, attorneys, analysts, data and communications specialists, etc., who specialize in understanding environmental health and transmitting that information to us, the public.

If you’ve ever wondered what’s on your food, in your make-up, perfume/cologne, cleaning products, detergents, soaps, etc, they’ll tell you what’s in common products and how safe they are by giving each product a rating.

We live in a world filled with toxic chemicals, lurking around in the most unexpected places. I was shocked and horrified to discover my “free and clear” laundry detergent wasn’t all that free and clear, and that it might be disrupting my hormones and contributing to my autoimmune disease.

I like being informed. I encourage you to check out their website below and start reviewing your everyday household items. If you’re like me, it’s quite possible you’re unintentionally steeped in chemicals, which could be affecting your health.

Here’s the website: https://www.ewg.org/ewgverified/

Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.

Deuteronomy 31:6

Final thoughts:

What I tell myself and if you’re struggling too, this might help you as well:

Re-frame rejection. Expect it to be a part of your journey, let it fuel you, and you’ll likely not be crippled by it. All that said, it’s okay to let yourself feel the disappointment, as long as you don’t let it consume you and keep you from moving forward.

I don’t know what life has in store for me, but until it’s clear that I need to change my plan, I’ll keep trying!

Have a great week! See you next Monday.

Much glitter,

Melissa

Melissa R. Collings