Kick Negativity in the Teeth!

Feb 3

Today’s focus: Positivity

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A while back, I received some less-than-stellar feedback from an editor. I have a friend in publishing who asked her editor friend to take a look at my novel (the submission documents) as I was deciding whether or not to have my manuscript professionally edited.

She didn’t read my whole novel, just the first couple of chapters and the synopsis. I did a video after I got her emailed feedback, you know, for my mythical YouTube channel. It was the first time I’d cried over my work. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had many rough days centering around my writing, but I’d never cried over how someone felt about my work. I didn’t shed tears over her words, exactly, I cried over the feeling that I’d wasted a bunch of time.

That same weekend, I “attended” an online writing conference. One of the perks of this particular event was a “Writer’s got talent” game. Each conference attendee could submit the first page of their manuscript and 4 agents on a panel would read it and give their thoughts. All anonymous. I never dreamed mine would get picked, but sure enough, mine was the second one to be read. I was by myself, at my desk, listening to some guy I didn’t know read my words to 4 agents and ALL the conference attendees. My heart hammered in my chest as I told myself it was alright, everything would be alright. Just breathe. Breathe!

They ripped me to shreds. Shreds! According to these professionals, I was “trying to hard” or they “didn’t know the character well enough to care why she was upset.”

I’ll be honest, both those negative events back-to-back shook me up a little. I started questioning, again, whether I really had it in me to do this, to be a writer. (Similar to last week?)

Everyone experiences doubts, right? It’s normal. But negative feedback or negative comments in general can really set you back.

Too often we focus on the negative things that happen to us. A friend of mine said this is our way of self-preservation. But focusing on the negative keeps us from our potential. As I’ve said, I am guilty of this when it comes to my writing. If you’re not a writer, I’m guessing this will strike you somewhere in your life. It’s Monday after all.

When I submit my work for critique, I’m prepared for the negative feedback and for people to point out what might make my story better, but I tend to focus on the negative, increasing my self-doubt. FIVE people could read my work, FOUR people could say they loved it and praise me for my lovely descriptions, etc., but ONE person could tell me they didn’t like what I’d done, and whose comments do you think stick in my head? If Stephen (my husband) were to ask me how the meeting went, I’d tell him about the person who didn’t like what I did. Shameful, isn’t it?

The Quote

“People tend to be generous when sharing their nonsense, fear, and ignorance. And while they seem quite eager to feed you their negativity, please remember that sometimes the diet we need to be on is a spiritual and emotional one. Be cautious with what you feed your mind and soul. Fuel yourself with positivity and let that fuel propel you into positive action.”
― Steve Maraboli

Staying positive when you’re surrounded by negative:

How do we overcome our tendencies to obsess over the negative? My answer: actively focus on the positive. It seems simple, but it’s fairly difficult. To help me, I decided to create a “positivity wall.” (Picture above) I ordered cute cork-boards from Amazon, and any time someone compliments my writing or says something nice about me, I copy it, print it, and stick it to my wall, a wall I stare at when I’m at my desk. I can’t read what they say from my chair, but I know what’s there. And I smile every time. Having a physical reminder of how awesome you are (;-)) helps with the bad moments. Because there are always bad moments.

I started this email off by sharing two losses, but I didn’t tell you what else happened that same week. That same week, I pitched my book to four agents (online face-to-online face), and all four liked my idea and asked me to send them more of my manuscript. I also had an editor (different from above) to evaluate my first 10 pages, the most important pages because they hook the reader, and she LOVED them. Five wins. But my brain desperately wanted to think a lot more about those two losses. It’s how we’re wired, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t attempt to reconfigure the circuitry.

The more you take negative feedback in stride, the faster you heal, and the more you accomplish. Everyone, everyone, receives negative feedback in life—relentlessly if you’re a writer—but don’t let it define you because there’s something else everyone has, an opinion. And an opinion, my friend, is not fact.

Medical Moment:

Have you heard of functional medicine? In researching more about health and preventative disease, I came across the term “functional medicine providers” whose goal seems to be treating the underlying cause of a disease, and using diet, environment, and exercise level to change diagnoses and conditions. It’s a fascinating practice. They utilize modern medication, but with the vast majority of conditions, those medications are temporary until the underlying problem can be determined and corrected.

I like this idea. So, I decided to see a functional medicine provider last week, and it was very different from a usual doctor visit. I spent 90 minutes with the provider, and she asked me all about myself, my environment, my eating habits, what I did to move my body, and a lot more. Her goal is to get my thyroid condition into remission! I’ve been taking thyroid medication for years, and my endocrinologist told me there was nothing I could do. “Take these pills, and hope you don’t get worse.”

I’m a science-based gal, but I sure do like the idea of HEALTH-care, rather than SICK-care. We’ll see how it goes!

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.

Psalm 19:14

Final thoughts:

Go kick negativity’s butt. Own your awesomeness today. I think you’re great. And to steal a quote from my women’s fiction novel, THE FALSE FLAT, “Just in case no one told you today: Hello. Good morning. I believe in you. Nice butt.”

Okay, I’m probably never going to tell you that you have a nice butt, though I’m sure it’s a valid compliment, but I do believe in you. I believe in everyone. (Okay,Subscriber First Name, maybe you’re a little more awesome than the others.)

Every. Single. Person. has something to contribute. You just have to believe it. Before I veer off into cheese-ball territory, let’s leave it at that.

Until next time,

Melissa