It’s official!!
Today’s focus: When do you call it quits?
In this edition:
The Quote
Update & Motivate: Signing and knowing when to stop (another break from the 7 habits)
Medical moment: Green Tea
Final thoughts
(Okay, really I e-signed, but using a quill and ink just feels right for this.)
“Sometimes it’s tough to tell if you’re supposed to give up and let go, or…if you’re being tested to see how long you can hold on.”
—Karen Salmansohn
Update:
It’s official! I heard back from all the agents, and I can now say that I have signed the paperwork and am part of the JVNLA team, represented by the fabulous, Ariana Philips.
I first “met” Ariana back in August 2021 at an online writing workshop put on by Writing Day Workshops. This particular event gave writers the opportunity to pitch their book to an actual agent “in person.” I’d sent many pitches by email, but I’d never presented my book or discussed it in person with an agent.
I was nervous, but excited. I created an oral pitch and practiced it on my writing friends. I felt awkward “presenting” my book to my peers, but I knew if I couldn’t do it in front of the people I was comfortable with, I wouldn’t do a good job in front of the agents. So, I pretended they were agents and presented, then tweaked what I planned to say based on their reactions.
When the day arrived for the actual pitch event, I was as ready as I was ever going to be. I opened my zoom window and tried to steady my nervous breathing. I pitched to four agents that day, but Ariana was probably the easiest. She was professional, but still made me feel comfortable, and I could feel her cautious excitement. I left that meeting with her asking for the first 3 chapters of my novel because she was interested in seeing more.
I emailed her the pages the very next day, August 8, 2021. Exactly 23 days later, I received her response to my first three chapters; she wanted to read the whole novel. Her interest had been piqued.
The only problem was, I had since received feedback from 2 prominent editors who had read the first pages and synopsis of my novel, and I knew the manuscript needed some tweaks. I worked feverishly to make the needed changes, working as my own developmental editor. I had a slight fear that Ariana was going to vanish if I didn’t send it in right away, but I knew I had a better shot if I sent a more polished version. On September 3rd, I told her (by email) I was making some changes and would send the full manuscript after revising, and she graciously told me not to worry and to send it when it was ready.
It wasn’t until September 20, 2021 that I felt the manuscript was ready for her eyes. On that day, I attached my revised full and pressed send.
Waiting for answers is exciting and frustrating. I wanted to hear from her, but I also didn’t in case it was another rejection email. Living in limbo, enjoying the fact that several agents were reading my full manuscript, was something I could savor. (I was still sending to other agents, getting requests and waiting for their answer too, but this is now where I’ll focus now.)
My waiting came to an end on November 3, 2021. I saw Ariana’s name in my inbox and my stomach flipped, but as I read, it wasn’t a rejection. It wasn’t an offer either. She had a page of notes and suggested I make some changes. And then she wanted to see the result. Really, she wanted to see how I responded to critique, how I would be to work with as a client.
I took her feedback seriously. It was great feedback, and the funny thing was, my unofficial editor, Cheryl (a trusted member of my small writing group) had told me some of the same things. I went to work AGAIN, making changes to a piece I had already made a lot of changes to, but I wanted this, so I was willing to do what needed doing. I revised the piece, and I had my smaller writing circle read it AGAIN (they offered actually! <tears>) to make sure I accomplished what Ariana had asked. I had! (Thank you so much to those who read my manuscript! And to those who read more than once, I am more than grateful.)
I resent her my edited manuscript on January 13, 2022. Five days later, after flipping out that I hadn’t heard from her, she said she was swamped, but would read it as soon as possible. I was once again excited!
I rode the high of agent requests and R&R’s, but then I semi-crashed when a few rejections came in, some to queries, one or two on the full. I was starting to feel doubt. Ariana had put a lot of work into my manuscript, so I knew she saw something, but what if she didn’t like the changes? What if they weren’t good enough? And as weeks passed with no word, I became nearly convinced that she was going to hate it.
I had doggedly pursued this dream, and I was starting to think I should change course. Was I not seeing the obvious signs that I needed to just stop? Was I being determined or silly? Stressed out by social media, rejection, and an unsuccessful giveaway attempt (it’s still going, but it hasn’t done what I’d hoped it would do.), I was really considering calling it quits, even though FOUR agents were still considering my work!
I’ve told you about my recent calming experience, so I won’t go into the details of how I re-centered. But it was the very day that I let go of stress and became open to the doors that came my way that I heard from Ariana again. On March 11, an hour or two after “letting it go,” Ariana’s name showed up in my inbox. Hi Melissa, I hope you’re well. I’ve had a chance to read your revision of THE FALSE FLAT, and I would love to discuss it further.
I WOULD LOVE TO DISCUSS IT FURTHER.
We set up a zoom meeting for the following week, Wednesday, March 16. I told no one about this because surely it wasn’t an offer of rep. Surely, she just wanted to let me down in person, tell me I was way off track and should remove my fingers from the keys.
She started off by telling me I had done a great job on the revisions, but a few things still needed to be tweaked. AND THEN, she offered me representation. I had to take a minute. I was ridiculously excited. I’ve told you this part already, so I’ll be brief, but for the sake of cohesion…
I informed the other agents with my full manuscript that they had until March 30, 2022 to let me know if they wanted to offer representation as well. That was a weird sensation, informing agents that they had a deadline because someone else wanted me and my work.
I heard immediately from 2 of the 3 agents, and then crickets. One didn’t have time, one didn’t think we’d be a good fit, and the third was just silent. I was on pins and needles. I didn’t want to wait to sign with Ariana, but I did. It was the right thing to do.
I finally heard from the last agent Friday, March 25th, when I was freezing my butt off at an outdoor event at Aerie’s school. This agent was very professional and kind and had wanted to read my manuscript. She told me she thought I was a wonderful writer and wasn’t surprised, given what she’d read so far, that I’d had an offer. But she didn’t have the time to do everything she’d need to do to offer rep within the 5 days she had left. So, she regretfully backed out. The email was another validation and wasn’t rejection. She just didn’t have the time, given the constraints I’d placed on her.
As soon as I got home, I emailed Ariana, and within hours, I’d signed with the agency!
Motivate:
As I’ve shown you, getting even this far in my writing endeavors has been a long, arduous process, and it’s nowhere near over.
I recently had a conversation with someone where we discussed: When do you know when to walk away? When can you be sure that what you’re going after isn’t for you after-all? When do you “give up”?
And I think the answer depends on the situation.
“Giving up” has such a negative connotation. Sometimes, it’s the right thing to do. It’s giving up one thing for something better/more appropriate/less stressful, etc. Essentially, it’s changing course.
When you really want something, you go after it with all you have. And when you do that, you either get what you want or you don’t. But deciding when to stop pursuit, comes at the evaluation points along the way…
While you’re on your way to the “end/the answer/your dream/your goal/your mission,” you have to stop, often, and re-evaluate.
Evaluate your strategies.
Evaluate whether you still want the thing you were originally after.
Evaluate whether it still makes sense to your life.
Evaluate whether it aligns with who you are or who you have become or who you want to be.
Evaluate your abilities to get the job done. (You might find out you’d be better suited to something else.)
Evaluate what you’re sacrificing to pursue this, or what you’d miss out on if you stopped.
Lay out your costs. Are they too great? Reasonable? Are you enjoying the process? And if not, is the pain worth the gain?
Picture yourself having achieved the thing you want, do you really want it? Goals have consequences. If you actually achieve, will you be satisfied? Only you can answer those questions.
The process you go through to get to your goals, no matter what your goals are, must come with constant reflection so you stay on track, and stay on the right track. If I’d been told by people that I wasn’t a good writer, I would’ve, knowing myself, attempted to prove them wrong. But if I continued to get that same feedback, despite taking classes and studying to be better, etc., I would’ve changed course, decided that I should pursue a different path.
A goal is great. And sticking with something to completion “just because” can be great. Sometimes the practice of simply crossing something off your list is empowering, character and confidence building. But sometimes, it’s demoralizing, a moment of failure, a cause for self-doubt and low self-esteem.
So, how do we know when to “quit”?
I think it’s that constant evaluation that happens along the way. We change as people when we attempt to do anything. We change a lot when we attempt to do something really hard. And everyone has their own threshold.
Evaluate the process along the way. Since you’re changing, maybe your goals should change. It’s not “failure,” it’s wisdom to decide what’s right or wrong for your life at any given moment.
There were some people out there that thought I should’ve stopped pursing a writing career a while ago. Some people actively told me I was wasting my time, taking away from other, more important things.
Others told me that I should keep going. “You have talent, and what if the next novel you write is THE ONE? You’ll kick yourself if you stop!”
Conflicting advice!! What was I supposed to do?
I listened.
I evaluated both sets of advice. However, no one can tell you what’s right for you. They can make suggestions, but you make that final call. And you have to have the confidence in yourself to do so. But that confidence shouldn’t be blind. It should be accumulated after careful reflection.
Eating nuts might be a really healthy way for me to get my protein, but if I try to force that same “health” on my daughter, she could die of anaphylaxis. (She’s allergic to nuts.)
You have to do what’s right for you, not what’s right for someone else and not what someone else wants for you.
Medical Moment:
Final thoughts:
Phew, that was a long one. I can’t seem to stop myself.
If you’re still with me…
I’m using my writing career as an example, but I hope you can use my story to fuel your own. I don’t have all the answers, but I have found some along the way, and I love sharing what I’ve discovered. I also love learning through watching others. You can always take something away from the successes and faux pas around you.
Only you know when to stop. Listen, evaluate, tweak your course accordingly.
I wish you much success in your week, even if that simply means surviving. (Some days, that’s my greatest goal.)
Until next time, much glitter,
Melissa
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