What does it mean to love someone?
Today’s focus: Love
Warning: I cried while writing this.
In this edition:
The Quote
Update: What I’m doing now
Motivate: Discussing the meaning of love (A pause from the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People)
Medical moment: snacks I love
Book review; APPLES NEVER FALL
New Onyx podcast available: Blue Like the Evening Clouds by Stephen Policoff
Onyx submissions
“Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get—only with what you are expecting to give—which is everything.” – Katherine Hepburn.
Update:
Happy Valentine’s Day!
I still haven’t heard anything from the agents who have my novel. In the meantime, I’m working on a new novel, which I’ll share more about as I work on it and have a firmer grasp of what I’m doing. The scenes are forming in my head though, and I’m already falling in love with these characters. I revealed the concept to my writing group and let them read a rough first chapter, and they loved it! Just what I needed to hear. A confirmed new idea and project! I’m excited!
I’m also continuing to query, a few new each week. I did have 2 agents respond to recent queries who weren’t interested. Sad. But in response, I sent out more!
I’m also reading! I’m reading professionally published manuscripts (more below), but I’m also enjoying reading through manuscripts from my writing group. I recently finished a pretty awesome ghost story, and I’m nearly finished with a women’s fiction novel on loss and “what-if” scenarios. I’m excited for these ladies and will share more as they move on to the next stages. Critiquing manuscripts is a great way to enhance your craft. If there’s something you want to get better at, study the greats, but also study those around your same level. I know I’m learning a ton!
Motivate:
In the spirit of the day, let’s talk about love…
Valentine’s day is a day of love, right? That ooey, gooey feeling you have for someone else? That eye-batting, stomach-fluttering, heart-pounding sensation?
We want love. We seek love. We’re desperate for love. We’ll do anything for love.
Romance books are one of the top selling genre fiction books out there. I’m reading a romance right now. I’m writing a book with romance in it. Love is everywhere.
We love love.
But what IS love exactly?
I think Valentine’s day gets smothered in chocolate, red and pink hearts, fancy cards, steak dinners, candles, flowers, and expectations. And those things are great, but I think we have to be careful not to get carried away in a feeling. When you get wrapped up in feelings, you might be tempted to forget the other part of love, the foundation of love, the part that has nothing to do with how you feel.
4 years ago on February 17th, my sister died. You’re probably thinking that this newsletter has just taken a grave turn. It’s related. Stick with me.
At my sister’s funeral, our minister choice fell through. So last minute, it was decided that I would speak at her funeral. I’m crying right now as I remember standing at that podium in my black dress, sick to my stomach not only because my sister was lying in a box four feet away from me, but because I was pregnant with my youngest daughter and had horrible nausea throughout my pregnancy.
I stood in front of that small crowd and talked about my sister and who she had been, and I read 1 Corinthians 13. My sister had a troubled life, but she loved. She didn’t always know how to show it, but she loved. And that’s what I talked about. I talked about how much she loved as I read that chapter. I also read it because I loved her so much. I’m not sure she was ever convinced of how much I loved her.
What love is not:
Love is not rude.
Love is not jealous.
Love is not arrogant.
Love is not resentful.
Love does not boast or brag.
Love does not insist on its own way.
Love does not rejoice in wrongdoing.
What love is:
Love rejoices in the truth.
Love is kind.
Love is patient.
Love bears all things.
Love believes all things.
Love endures all things.
Love hopes all things.
Love never ends.
Love is selfless.
Love is work.
Love is hard.
Sometimes love is ugly.
(Yes, those words are shaped like a pillar on purpose.)
And the fundamental truth of love? Love isn’t a feeling. Love is action; it’s a verb. It’s service. It’s sacrifice. Its listening, empathizing, appreciating, affirming. And it’s doing all those things even when, especially when, the other person doesn’t deserve it. Love calms an angry answer. Love is the higher ground. Love is strength.
In the novel I wrote (The False Flat), Grant, one of my main characters, lists off why he likes Pen, my main character. They’re just friends, but Pen doesn’t understand why Grant likes her. So he’s explaining. And after he lists off her charming qualities, she asks how he knows all that about her, and he says, “When you care about someone, you pay attention.” I might be butchering his words, but Grant’s right.
Love is what you do, not how you feel. The feelings are a by-product of love.
Medical Moment – “Healthy” snacks
If you’re trying to be healthy, snacking is hard, so I thought I’d share some healthier snacks I’ve found recently over the next several issues.
Everyone’s definition of healthy is different. One provider recently told me to stop eating peanuts. But honestly, I’m not buying into that one just yet because I haven’t looked at the data, and I’m a data girl. I need a solid, scientifically studied reason, and while one may be out there, I haven’t read it yet. So for now, I’m going to share this peanut snack I recently found.
Organic Tosi Superbites
The ingredients (if you’re eating peanuts) are also solid.
They’re low carb (5g net), gluten free (in case you care), tasty and have 8 g of protein and 4 g of fiber. The downside, they’re pricey. Real food costs more and sometimes it’s worth it, sometimes not. So you have to make that call, but I love discovering new products!
Share ones you’ve found!
Book review: Apples Never Fall
Liane Moriarty has a talent for taking every-day life and making it interesting. I enjoyed this book. I also liked that the information and characters were presented in a creative way. You get to see multiple characters and their perceptions, but you also get to see side character perceptions. I loved that. It’s like a sneak peek into someone else’s mind.
It’s got intrigue that pulls you through also. You wanna know what happens, so you’re probably in it until the end, because that story question needs to be answered. Ultimately though, it’s about relationships and secrets, how we see each other and how we treat each other.
It’s about life.
For me, I think Apples Never Fall tended on the too-long side. I could’ve used a little less along the way. But overall, well done. Not a five-star book for me, but I’m still recommending it if you know you like Liane Moriarty’s work and you’re ready to read about relationships instead of action or tons of intrigue. It does have heart!
Summary:
This book follows a tennis-obsessed family, the Delaneys. Stan and Joy have been married for 50 years, and they have 4 grown children. When Joy goes missing and the police begin looking at Stan, the 4 siblings have to decide who to side with. During the investigation, a lot is uncovered: the mysterious house guest they had last year, Joy’s secrets, and tons of family realizations. It’s all about finding out what happened to Joy, but each member finds a lot out about themselves along the way.
What I’m reading next: The Soulmate Equation
A New Onyx Short Story and Podcast is available:
Blue Like an Evening Cloud
by
Stephen Policoff
An unexpected visit by his father-in-law while his pre-teen daughter and friend are crafting ‘happy memory’ homework is enough to make Paul see phantoms of his dead wife. The question is, does anyone else see them too?
During the interview JW and I talk with Stephen Policoff about this chapter from his upcoming book, The Dangerous Blues, as well as his fascination with delusional beliefs and the supernatural. Stephen also discusses how playwriting has improved his fiction writing and give tips for minding your writing feedback.
Final thoughts.
I don’t have my sister anymore, and I will forever regret the relationship we never got to have. I can’t tell her I love her anymore. The last time I told her was when she was unconscious in a hospital bed, a whisper in her ear. I don’t get to show her I love her either. The last time I showed her was when I patted her casket in tears on my way back to my seat at her funeral, when I wanted to will her to get up and try again.
But I do have the people still living in my life: my family, my friends, future family and friends, strangers. And I will do my best to show them that I love them.
Today, don’t tell the people around you that you love them. Show them.
Love is a verb. Love is action.
Show them.
And love yourself. Treat yo’ self. Show yourself. (Woah, that sounds way wrong. Don’t show yourself, but do show yourself love.) Because before you can love anyone else, you have to love yourself.
Alright, next week, I’m back to discussing habit #2 on our way to being highly effective people: begin with the end in mind.
Much love,
Melissa
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