When you’re in limbo
This post should be dated August 9, 2022
Quote
Update: The in-between.
Problem solved! New Character Names!
Motivate: Delayed Gratification.
Book discussion: Ugh.
New Onyx Podcast: The Concrete and the Tree
Final thoughts
Update:
This past week has been filled with preparation for the beginning of many different things in my life, mostly involving my kiddos and their starting school and finding a new routine for our family and myself.
It’s that in-between time, which I feel like I’ve been in for a while.
Close to starting school, but not there yet. (Though my daughter starts today.) So as this is hitting your inbox, you can picture me scrambling, trying to get my oldest out the door to first grade. (Tear)
Close to starting preschool (my 3yo), but not there yet. (Major tears)
My manuscript is on submission, but I haven’t heard back yet.
My current manuscript is getting close to done, but it’s not there yet. (Though I’ve shaved off about 8,000 words at this point. Isn’t that ridiculous?)
I’m figuring out social media, but not there yet. (Am on a social hiatus right now and my quality of life has improved. Has me questioning my “marketing” tactics.)
I’m halfway to completing my continuing medical education credits, so I can keep my medical license.
In essence, I’m living in the in-between times. Maybe you can relate. I think it’s a place where it’s hard for many of us to hang.
Because it means waiting.
It means patience.
It means redirecting thoughts so you don’t get completely tangled in the waiting. Because if you get tangled in the “almost, but not yet,” you risk becoming stagnant. You risk feeling stuck. You risk feeling sorry for yourself. You risk missing out on potential gain because you gave up too early.
Truth: a lot can happen in the “in-between” times. You learn a lot about yourself.
And it can actually be an area of opportunity, not a time to be fast-forwarded through after all.
( Continued below.)
Last week I asked my newsletter subscribers to help me with names, and I am SO glad I did! Not only was it fun, but they are good at names!!
If you’re curious, this is the list of names I got:
1.) For the younger drain on society:
Travis
Brandon - can’t use: main character’s brother.
Scott
Nick
JJ
Roderick
Brad
Tim
Donovan
Desmond
Royal
Tom
Chad - can’t use: already a character
Brock
Kevin
Daryl
Ken
Denny
2.) Name that works for a young female/older male:
Clark
Peyton
Sam
Jo
Riley
Spencer
Charlie
Brock
Blake
Sawyer
Austin
Nick
Micky
Shawn
Erin/Aaron - can’t use: already a character
And the winners are:
1.) Royal
This was sent in by Kaylee. Thanks, Kaylee! Here’s why I picked this one:
It’s perfect because his brother’s name is Ransom (one of my main character’s love interests). Ransom and Royal sound excellent together.
And I have the perfect backstory for how this character was named. The backstory may not ever make it into the book, but if it doesn’t, you’ll know. ;-)
His mother (Mags) named her son Royal because there was a bottle of Crown Royal sitting on a table near her right before delivery, and she thought it would be perfect to name her child after the Canadian whiskey. Tells you a little about Mags. :-/
2.) Charlie
This one was sent in by Chanel. Thanks Chanel! (Chanel, you’ve already infiltrated my books more than once!) I can’t give backstory for this one because it messes with novel juiciness. You’ll just have to read the book to find out. ;-)
It was a tough decision because I liked so many of these names for my characters.
And if I need more, I’m coming back to you all!!
Thanks so much to everyone who submitted names!!
Motivate:
We live in an age of instant gratification. Everything happens fast. From Amazon orders to emails to TV shows/movies to food.
So many things are right at our fingertips, and we don’t want to wait. I know I want answers right now, actually yesterday.
There are overnight successes, but the majority of people have to work hard and long for the reward, which can be difficult to swallow.
Weight loss, developing a skill, learning a new job, getting a book published. These things all require a time investment. Some people take more time than others to achieve similar success.
Sidebar: STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO SOMEONE ELSE. Because you have no idea if their success is a lasting one or what their circumstances are. But you do know they aren’t YOUR circumstances.
I like the word investment. It makes me think of growth over time. For THE LOVE PENTAGON (and THE FALSE FLAT), I had to do financial research as my main character is a financial planner. She deals with money, and when you invest money, you typically leave it somewhere for the long haul. It’s not a get-rich-quick scheme, but when you’re patient, your gain can be astounding.
Most things in life are like this. They take time.
They are not instantaneous.
And do we really want them to be? What if a pilot wanted to learn to fly a plane overnight because his expectations were inflated? He didn’t want to take the time required to properly learn (ain’t nobody got time for that), so he might skip through training and fly sooner, but he might also kill his first load of passengers.
Change takes time.
Plans don’t have to have rigid stipulations.
And sometimes progress isn’t obvious. Just because you don’t SEE results doesn’t mean they aren’t happening. Sometimes it’s only when you look back that you see how far you’ve come.
How do you make yourself see that in the moment though?
Amy Morin wrote a book called 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do. It was on a “best” list at one point, and it got me curious.
She suggests the following (summarized):
Keep your eye on the prize. Remind yourself regularly what you’re trying to do and why you’re trying to do it.
Celebrate milestones. Those small victories along the way should be celebrated.
Create a plan to resist temptation. Before you encounter a stumbling block, plan for it. (I don’t think this works for everything because you don’t always know what your stumbling blocks are until they happen.—can’t plan for that.)
Deal with feelings of frustration and impatience in a healthy manner. She suggests we should find healthy ways to cope with negative feelings. I need more here, Amy! Like WHAT??
Pace yourself. One step at a time. Don’t skip steps.
All of these are great, but I think it can be as simple as reminding yourself that waiting is part of the process. We forget that when we’re in the thick of things.
Most things worth having don’t occur over night. They take time and dedication. You’ve got to be willing to invest the time and do the work.
And when it’s not working, back up and see where you went wrong.
Self-discipline is a powerful tool, but it also takes time to develop. But if you can develop it, you’re a lot better off in the long term.
One step at a time. And I also think, it’s okay to have those feelings of frustration and disappointment as long as you don’t let them keep you down.
Constant negativity can eat you alive and ruin your life. But it’s also your choice whether you let it.
Book Discussion:
As I said before, I decided to try the “sequels” to MAYBE SOMEDAY by Colleen Hoover.
I’m now 55% into MAYBE NOW, and I hate saying this so much, but I just want it to be over. I can’t stop because I’m too far in, but I’m ready to move on. (I know, I know. Life is too short. But this one is one I’m sticking with until the end for self-satisfaction.)
New Onyx short Story Podcast:
The Concrete and the Tree
Written by Skye Gilkerson
Narrated by Melissa Collings
On this podcast we talk with interdisciplinary artist, Skye Gilkerson. Her essay relays a personal journey revealing a parallel link between humanity’s connection with our planet and our bodies.
During the interview, you’ll learn of Skye’s unique outlook on making both visual and prose art. She discusses burning her decades of journals as a form of creation, as well as the benefits of not completing your work.
Final thoughts:
Change takes time. But nothing will change unless you start. And nothing will actually change unless you’re dedicated to moving forward even through the hard times.
And let’s get real. There will always be hard times.
Life is a series of ups and downs. Be there for yourself during BOTH.
That’s what I’m planning to do. Show up for present and future myself.
Until next time, much glitter,
Melissa
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