You are always right!
Today’s focus: The rightness of being right.
In this Edition:
Quote
Update
Motivate
Final thoughts
“Synergy - the bonus that is achieved when things work together harmoniously.”
—Mark Twain
At Opryland hotel for a weekend getaway to the water park.
Forget the water park! Just give me this balcony, a laptop, some snacks, and I’m happy. Writing, people watching, food. What more do you need? Oh yeah, my family was there too. ;-)
Update:
Hello! I hope you are doing well.
Please forgive my lack of newsletter sections. This week I proctored TCAP exams at my daughter’s elementary school, and then we had our small get-away, and I’m behind.
Jumping into publication quest update #1: By Tuesday of last week, I still hadn’t heard from my agent, so I decided to email her.
You don’t get what you don’t ask for.
And I had this concern that I shouldn’t “bother” her. But I realized that mentality was silly. We are working in a partnership. This partner wanted an update, so I asked for one. She was grateful for the “nudge.” Turns out she’s been sick and is behind on all her tasks and communicated to me that she was planning to read my novel again this weekend (the weekend that just passed). I can’t wait to see what she has to say this week. Here’s hoping I have bigger news for you next Monday.
I had created all these elaborate scenarios in my head because this is new and exciting, and I never considered she might simply have a life struggle she needed to handle. She’s a human being, in case I haven’t told you.
Anyway, it felt great to touch base, and I’m so glad I did. I have to constantly remind myself that someone else’s silence isn’t necessarily a personal statement against me.
In other writing news, I have broken a barrier with my newest novel. Finally, finally, the words are rolling. I’m figuring it out and I’m up to 20,000 words at this point. They won’t all stay, as this a first draft, but the scene is being set, and I’m pleased.
Motivate:
So let’s get back to our analysis of the book: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. What’s the 6th thing you should do to be a more effective individual?
Synergize. Of course! Why didn’t we think of that!
The moment I read the word, I gave the book a look of slight disgust.
What in the world does he mean by synergize?
I don’t know about you, perhaps you are fancier or more worldly and sophisticated than I, but I wasn’t sure what that meant. I went in to the chapter skeptical, expecting the author to talk over my head or for the application to fall short of personal relationships and exist only for business endeavors.
But I did take a pearl, several pearls.
Synergy occurs when two things come together (like people), and their sum is greater than their parts, a 1 +1 = some number greater than 2 scenario.
When you approach any kind of relationship with synergy in mind, it means that you have your own thoughts and the other person does too. And both sides are taken into consideration to create something better than the two original ideas alone.
I usually want people to agree with me. I get excited when I’m on the same page as someone else. When someone else has thoughts or opinions that differ from mine, my first instinct is to question their sanity. Me, wrong? Let’s not consider that.
But here’s what I took away from this chapter. It helped me. Maybe it will help you too.
1. We should approach conversations and relationships with OPEN minds and hearts. Duh, right? But do we actually do this?
2. If you are open to thoughts and ideas that are NOT your own, you have the potential to gain more insight and information. You have the opportunity for a better outcome because you aren’t limited to only your perspective.
3. We should be excited about these new perspectives, hungry to understand what drives them. It not only calms unrest inside of us at the thought of someone being different, but it shows we care about the other person’s thoughts, and that we haven’t immediately disregarded them because they’re not our own. It’s a sign of respect to consider someone’s concerns valid. “Help me see what you see.”
4. You can discover new ways to tackle old problems by being open to hearing someone else out and mulling over their position on a topic. If you’re open to change, you might end up somewhere vastly better than you would have on your own.
5. There is value to being able to adjust to a scenario and find the good in the thing right in front of you, even when it’s not what you thought it would be or wanted it to be.
Sidebar here: I don’t like it when I have plans and they change. I’m thrown off. But I’m going to start looking at my change in plans as opportunities. What can I get out of this new scenario? I’m a little exhilarated by this idea. Oh, I’m sure I’ll fail many times at this, get angry that things aren’t going according to plan, but I know for a fact that I’ll be happier and more successful if I dig into what is rather than lamenting over what didn’t occur.
6. The more authentic you become, the more genuine your expressions. If you’re open, and truly open, it means being vulnerable. (Which is scary because what if you’re open and someone guts you? Read the room. You’ll likely know who you can be open with. And if you’re wrong, then you’re learning. But just because you’ve been wrong once, just because you’ve been burned by someone, doesn’t mean you live your whole life clammed up. Be open to trying again. Maybe you’re more cautious in your second attempt, maybe you gather more information, but all it takes is the right person. Don’t miss out on a deep relationship/meaningful conversation just because one person soured you on the idea.)
Being vulnerable with other people makes them feel safer with you because…they are safer. I’ve had a lot of deep, meaningful conversations with people lately because I’ve been open and honest and a little raw. And I’ve established much better connections and trust.
7. If an intelligent person disagrees with you, consider why. We need to evaluate their perspective. Again, we might learn something invaluable.
8. Differences can bring you together or tear you apart. Before you let it tear you apart, try to understand the other person’s point of view. So many things are relative, and we don’t necessarily see them that way.
9. If you’re trying to convince other people why your way is the best way so that they adopt your way of thinking, thereby creating a “clone” of yourself because that’s where a lot of us are comfortable, you might be insecure and narrow-minded, which means you’re weakening yourself and you’re missing out! Value the differences because there is strength in another point of view.
10. A truly effective person recognizes his/her/their limited perspective and sees the differences of others (even if you think you don’t agree) as a means to build on their understanding of reality. With more information, more perspectives, more data, we are better equipped to handle all scenarios.
11. Be open to admitting that you might be doing it wrong. At least be open to considering that you’re not always right. You are scarily limiting yourself if you don’t. That doesn’t mean abandoning convictions. But there’s no harm in listening and evaluating.
If your co-worker or friend or family member says something “stupid,” consider: Is this really stupid? Why are they saying it? Attempt to understand. If you were in their shoes, might you say the same thing?
Final thoughts:
Evaluate your irritations. Should they be irritations or opportunities?
Identify situations where you want something different than a person you care about. Can both of you attempt to understand the reasons why the other person wants what they want? And then create a scenario where the outcome is even better than your original ask?
The next time you have an argument with someone, attempt to understand their position, what concerns do they have that make them take the position they’re taking? Can you address both parties concerns in a mutually beneficial way?
When we talk things out in an open fashion, we have a better understanding of the problem. When we have a better understanding of the problem, we can create better solutions, we can effectively brainstorm solutions. And when multiple options are on the table (born out of genuine conversation), we have a much greater potential to create a mutually beneficial result.
I’m in for this one. And it applies to all the relationships. Friends, co-workers, significant others, family, etc.
Have a synergistic week!
Until next time, much glitter,
Melissa
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