Habits & Attitude
This blog post is from September 12, 2022
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Update: The winds of change.
Motivate: How adding this one habit changed my perspective.
Book discussion: The Five Love Languages
Genre writing: How “women’s fiction” stacks up.
Final thoughts
Update:
I’m starting to feel fall in the air. (I already bought pumpkins. They were 2/$9 at Kroger!) The seasons are about to change. Do you like change, Subscriber First Name?
This past week, we celebrated my youngest daughter’s 4th birthday (she doesn’t like change), and I was once again reminded of how fast time flies. That’s one thing about children…their growth is a testament to the necessity of capturing life. What we do with our time matters. More on that later, but for now, the update…
This past week, in regard to writing:
1. No news on The False Flat. I’m drawing heavily on patience, per usual.
2. My newest novel, The Love Pentagon, remains out with beta readers. But I’ve now reached a point where I’m excited to dive into edits. I enjoyed the brief break, but I want to be writing again. However, I will not be starting a new project until I see this baby to completion.
3. I stepped away from my smaller writing group. This was a big decision and a hard one, but right for me at this stage of life and circumstance. I’ll keep in touch with everyone for sure. They’ve had a HUGE impact on my writing, and I will be forever grateful. The relationships don’t end, but my involvement has changed.
Don’t ask how my CMEs are going. I’m struggling with those more than I thought I would. I just want to be doing other things. I’m sure you know the feeling…when you have to do something versus when you want to. But I’ll get it done.
Motivate:
This past week something really came to light for me. I’ve been living with a lot of stress and anxiety lately. Some of it has been of my own creation (over-committing), other things have been circumstantial, others I didn’t know how to change.
All that brings me to two topics: habits and attitude.
I decided I wanted to decrease my stress level. Actually DO something about it.
I have stressed TIME more than anything else. You ever feel like there just aren’t enough hours in the day? That’s how I was feeling, and the stress of “not having enough time” was making me feel like a foreigner in my skin.
I decided to make some changes. But I didn’t know what changes to make because I was too overwhelmed to see clearly. But I knew what my first step needed to be.
I was taking no down time, no time for reflection, little time for prayer and meditation. I feel most myself when I am close to God, so I decided to start there.
I did something drastic. For the past 3 weeks, I took a whole hour of my precious time EVERY DAY, and I gave it meditation. I won’t explain what my meditation looks like because that’s beside the point. The word meditation is something that has always made me a little uncomfortable, but the meaning is so very broad and looks so different for each individual.
The point is, I took the time I didn’t think I could spare and started something new in search of answers and peace, and it has made a huge difference.
Huge.
What you do daily shapes who you are and where you’re going. Consider what you do in a day. As I mentioned earlier with my child’s birthday, life is short. Make sure you’re spending it where you need to be spending it.
The things you do every day and the thoughts you have every day become habits. Whatever you do today will be easier tomorrow and so on.
Because I made the decision to TAKE time for renewal, I have gained time. And I’ve made other decisions as a result.
I left my writing group, a decision I didn’t know I needed to make until I reflected on my life.
I spent more time with my kiddos, sitting (sitting!) even when my brain told me I didn’t have time.
I’d let resentment build up between me and a friend. Because of my new positive daily habit, I was able to have a difficult/emotional discussion with this friend and now the air is clear and we’re in a much better place.
Life is calmer. I feel freer. I’m empowered to do what I need to do to continue this trend.
On topic…
While watching a YouTube video on writing this past weekend, I saw a motivational speech by Arnold Schwarzenegger listed below the video I’d been watching. Out of curiosity, I clicked on it. Regardless of what you might think of Arnold, the speech was good.
In essence, he grew up in a place he didn’t like (Austria), surrounded by unfavorable circumstances. He didn’t want to live a stagnant life.
Arnold made a choice to change his circumstances.
When someone told him he couldn’t do something, he said, “Watch me.” When someone told him NO, he said, “Yes.” When someone told him the thing he was doing was impossible, he said, “Then I’ll be the first to do it.”
And with that attitude, he set out to work hard.
Change takes believing you can (self-worth).
Change takes work.
Change takes dedication.
And when you know where you’re going, every step of the way is a step closer to the thing you want.
You have to start.
You have to commit to the process.
You take those steps forward.
When you fall, you get back up again.
You don’t compare your journey to someone else’s.
That applies to anything in life. And sometimes that means speaking kind words about yourself even if you don’t believe them. That’s how foundations are built and habits are formed.
Book talk:
I finished The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, while this isn’t a fiction book, if you’re interested in Women’s fiction and Romance reads, you might be interested in this non-fiction book because it’s all about love. But love is so much more than romance.
I read it for research, but I ended up taking a few tidbits away. I feel about this book the way I do about most “self-help” books: I would’ve preferred a pamphlet rather than all the blather of the book, but the concepts are quite interesting.
This is how it’s pitched online:
Falling in love is easy. Staying in love—that’s the challenge. How can you keep your relationship fresh and growing amid the demands, conflicts, and just plain boredom of everyday life?
In the #1 New York Times international bestseller The 5 Love Languages, you’ll discover the secret that has transformed millions of relationships worldwide. Whether your relationship is flourishing or failing, Dr. Gary Chapman’s proven approach to showing and receiving love will help you experience deeper and richer levels of intimacy with your partner—starting today.
The 5 Love Languages is as practical as it is insightful. Updated to reflect the complexities of relationships today, this new edition reveals intrinsic truths and applies relevant, actionable wisdom in ways that work.
Fun facts about Women’s Fiction:
You’re likely familiar with book genres, categories books are grouped into based on subject matter, reader expectations, etc.
As I’ve mentioned, I’m currently writing in the Women’s Fiction genre, but my work is a part of a sub-genre, Romantic Women’s Fiction.
I don’t like the term “Women’s Fiction.” It implies that the book is only to be enjoyed by women. In reality, it’s just a book about life, particularly a women’s life and her journey through an impactful life event (change).
Romance Writers of America’s Definition of Women’s Fiction -
”A commercial novel about a woman on the brink of life change and personal growth. Her journey details emotional reflection and action that transforms her and her relationships with others, and includes a hopeful/upbeat ending with regard to her romantic relationship."
Fun facts about women’s fiction:
(taken from a presentation by romance author Emily Colin)
• Typical length: Approximately 100K words (90,000-100,000)
• A woman’s emotional journey is at the heart.
• There may or may not be a romantic element to the story.
• If there is a love story, it doesn’t necessarily end in a happily-ever-after (though it’s often hopeful). The point is for the main character to grow and change, regardless of what that means for her romantic arc.
• Though it may include an element of magical realism, it typically doesn’t tap into the fantastical, except in the case of paranormal women’s fiction (new genre as of 2020)
• It’s a label more frequently used for marketing and behind-the-scenes categorization than for front-end sales. (Most book stores don’t have a “Women’s Fiction” section.
Final thoughts:
Creating a habit means starting something and continuing it every day.
If you want life to change. You have to DO something.
And don’t be afraid to accept failure as part of the process.
Have a great week!
Much glitter,
Melissa
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